


King of the Road

by Pfain Ryder (Cat_Moon)



Series: Angelfire Universe [12]
Category: Quantum Leap
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-30 20:03:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19410412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cat_Moon/pseuds/Pfain%20Ryder
Summary: So it looks like the Universe threw a spanner in the works.  Al is leaping now while Sam is at home. Sam has to deal with the situation at the Project, while Al needs to save a life...and maybe his own in the process.  Angelfire Universe. For the most part, best read in order.





	1. Chapter 1

_ Third boxcar, midnight train, destination, Bangor, Maine. _   
_ Old worn out clothes and shoes, _   
_ I don't pay no union dues, _   
_ I smoke old stogies I have found short, but not too big around _   
_ I'm a man of means by no means, king of the road. _

\--King of the Road, Roger Miller

April 1, 1949:

There are bad days and good days. Then those mixed blessing types you can take or leave. I thought Sam and I might both leap home, or both keep leaping. I even considered things going back to the way they'd been. My leaping and _him_ going home, curiously, wasn't on my list of possibilities.

Nor can I tell you why I knew this for a fact. I just felt it. Sam was home.

It wasn't a bad leap so far, though. I was alone, in the freight car of a train, on the road to the unknown. There were no hassles, just sweet peace for a change. I even had several, albeit small, stogies in my pocket. The clothes I wore had seen better days for sure. That and 87¢ told me I definitely hadn't leaping into a Rockefeller.

Until my cute little hologram arrived, I had little else but time on my hands. Deciding I approved, I lit one of the cheap cigars and leaned back to enjoy the ride. So far it was turning out to be a vacation. Nothing critical happening, and most importantly, Sam was home. Safe.

Al Calavicci didn't have a care in the world.

**SAM** :

I turned and began walking out of the Accelerator, fighting down a sense of disappointment. I never realized the hope that had lived inside me until it was ripped away. If home meant no Al, then I didn't want to be home.

Memories of Al's last, dangerous leap quickened my pace until I was almost running. I had to find out where he was as soon as possible. I had to be there for him.

I stopped in the doorway, taking in the sight of the people I'd left behind. They stood like statues, stunned expressions on each face.

I cleared my throat. "I see the Welcome Wagon is out." There were chuckles, and the tension was released.

Gooshie stepped forward first, giving me a brief hug. "Dr. Beckett, it's good to see you again."

"You too, Gooshie. Have Ziggy get a fix on Al, right away."

YOU COULD ASK ME YOURSELF, my computer said reproachfully.

"Sorry sweetheart, but I'm not in the mood. Just find Al."

HMMPH...

"Al says he gets more obnoxious every day," Tina explained with a smile.

"Tina!" I grabbed her in a hug. "This is the part of coming home I like best," I

confessed, giving Verbena her turn.

There was one person left and while she hadn't been part of the Project when I started leaping, I knew her. "You're Theresa." I held her at arms' length, fitting the image of this grown woman with the little girl I'd known.

"Welcome home, Sam. It's so good to finally see you again" Theresa told me.

I gave her a hug. "It's great to see you, too." Memories of the leap where I'd replaced her mother filtered through my mind. It gave me a warm feeling to see one of the people whose life we'd made a difference in.

Greetings out of the way, it was business as usual. Gooshie handed me a clipboard with some notes on it, and I scanned them.

"Sam," Tina began, "I hate to bother you with problems already, but Weitzman is chewing nails."

"Nice change of diet from his usual Kibble," I quipped.

"He's still on the warpath over Al's vanishing act," she explained.

"We haven't told him the latest update," Verbena added.

I glanced at Beeks, noticing for the first time the way she was studying me. I had a feeling it should make me uneasy, but didn't know why. "Okay, don't tell him anything until I can figure out how to deal with him." I turned back to the notes.

"How was the wedding?" Beeks asked abruptly.

The clipboard fell to the floor with a crash that sounded unnaturally loud to my ears. "Wedding?" I'd had so much on my mind, this particular item hadn't been one of them.

Verbena's eyebrows rose and I knew I was in for it. That always meant her mind was in top gear. "We were keeping track of your progress. The files Ziggy found indicated Chrissy Cambridge and Allister Conway got married. Right after that, you leaped."

"Uh, yeah. How'd they do?" I asked, stalling.

"They're still happily married, with three kids."

"That's great! Why don't you go and see what information you can get out of the person in the Waiting Room?" The idea that everyone back here knew Al and I had been masquerading as boyfriend and girlfriend gave me a weird feeling of exposure. Between that, Al's leaping, Weitzman's warpath, facing Tina...my head started to spin. "Anybody got any aspirin?"

As if my magic, Tina appeared at my side with two capsules and a glass of mineral water.

"Thanks, honey. How'd you do that so fast?" I asked as an afterthought.

"Lots of practice." Tina winked at me. "Al's prescription is two for hangovers, three for Sam Becketts."

As things were getting deeper, I decided on retreat as my best course of action. "I'll be in the office. I want to know--"

"--Right away when Al's located," Gooshie nodded to me. I'd just gotten there and already had a feeling I was walking that proverbial mile in Al's shoes.

I was halfway down the hall when I realized I wasn't alone. Beeks had followed me out. "Yes, Verbena?"

"Just wondering when I'm going to get you into my office for the mandatory psych exam."

"Put your fangs in back in temporarily, dear heart, neither of us has time right now. I want your report on the person in the waiting room, ASAP." I knew I was being abrupt with her and although my returning memories told me it wasn't exactly unknown for me to react that way, I also knew that this time it was mostly an avoidance tactic.

"You'll have your report, Dr. Beckett."

We stopped in front of the door to the office that Al and I had ended up making into a second home during those early years of dreams.

"Sam, there is one thing I'd like to know that's been puzzling me. And your answer will at least give me some idea of the condition of your memory."

I gestured for her to continue.

"You haven't mentioned...Donna."

It looked like I wasn't the only person who got the Calavicci creatively abridged version of reality. I wondered if he had to keep crib notes; trying to keep straight what stories he told whom must have been confusing.

"Yes, I remember my soon to be ex-wife," I made a mental note to put calling a lawyer on my endless list of things to do. "I understand why she couldn't wait for me any longer, I don't blame her. And yes, I'm okay about it."

"Do you want someone to let her know you're home?"

"No."

The door closed behind me and I leaned against it gratefully. I knew it probably added more fuel to Verbena's fire, but I was too pre-occupied to invest the extra effort required to out-psych her. She was only doing her job; actually, I was the majority of it. In certain cases she even had final authority over everyone, myself included. Authority which I'd given her myself. Of course, that didn't stop both Al and I from exercising our free will to be stubborn and sneaky at every opportunity. When we were both home, we acted as a check for each other, but with only one of us around her now, it was easier to avoid her probing.

And, if Project Quantum Leap didn't exactly measure up to the U.S.S. Enterprise model I'd envisioned, it was close enough. Maybe closer than I realized...I may have broken my own prime directive more times than Captain Kirk himself.

I looked around our office, letting more pleasant memories fill me. Al and I had put more time in here than at home in those days. The headache was easing. It seemed to go better if I didn't try to force or categorize anything. Or think too hard. I figured all those timelines in my head were the cause.

Al's desk was in its usual state of chaotic order. I sat down in his chair, feeling closer to him there. Besides, looking at my own had given me the creepy sensation that I was looking at a dead man's desk. I know, crazy. The memory is a funny thing under the best of circumstances. For instance, I knew things on my desk weren't as I'd left them, giving me the suspicion sometimes Al experienced the same loneliness I was feeling.

I went over the notes the staff had made on our previous leap. There wasn't much without an observer. Most of it dealt with Chrissy and Allister, mostly Beeks observations and so incomplete that it was still on hard copy.

They seemed to handle the situation fairly well, their edge being that they had each other. There was a note in capitol letters and a question mark, in Verbena's flamboyant handwriting: **Subjects appear to see each other as themselves, rather than the aura everyone else sees (??)**

I formed a startling observation of my own. The loving couple in the waiting room that held onto each other for support were seen by everyone as me and Al. It was a strange feeling, kind of like being caught with your zipper open. No wonder I came home to the odd looks I did...no, that was wrong. Verbena would've restricted access to the Waiting Room.

However, that Al and I had gotten married was common Control Room knowledge. I digested that, deciding it was just as well. It would make the truth, when it came out, that much easier for them to adjust to. I wasn't a bit ashamed of us and when the time was right, there would be no deception. Proud, if embarrassed, summed up my own feelings.

I wondered if there were any special reports, or notes Al might have left for me; something I might need to know. I punched in our private code on the terminal. There was something, but not what I had expected, or wanted, to find...

_Hi, kid. This is in case I'm not here when you get home, although I can't think of anything that would take me away from New Mexico for more than a day or two. Unless it's something that took me away forever. Yeah, I know. But sometimes I do get a little morbid. Late at night after an exhausting day, the place silent as a...staring over at your chair. I miss you, my dearest friend._

_Tonight is one of those nights where sleep is as elusive as a hooker in the Vatican. Okay, now that I got you to smile, I want you to know that I'm not angry about your jumping into the Accelerator like you did--much. And I'm not mad you didn't tell me the truth tonight--that you weren't home to stay. By now you probably realize that I didn't tell you about Donna. You asked me to make love to you and I did. I hope you'll forgive me my one night of selfishness. And the fact I don't regret it. She's your wife, but...you live inside my heart. You give me headaches, make me crazy, drive me to exasperation and back, but God, I love you so much! Don't ever forget it, or that I'd do anything for you. I'll be here--for both of you, as long as the One Upstairs lets me. And if He takes me while you still need me, there'll be some butt kicking going on up there, rest assured._

_Love you, Sam Beckett..._

_Al Calavicci_

"As long as I still need you? Then you're gonna live forever, Al." I put my head down on folded arms and let the emotion wash over me.

XXX

A hand on my shoulder startled me and I jumped up, automatically checking the computer screen to be sure I hadn't left Al's letter up. I didn't know how long I was asleep, but the kinks in my neck and shoulders told me it was longer than a few minutes.

Verbena eyed me with concern. "Are you okay?"

I shrugged off her hand. "Yeah. What's up?"

"Ziggy located Al."

I was up and out the door almost before she finished the sentence. Hitting the Control Room on the run, I grabbed a handlink out of Gooshie's hand while continuing on into the Imaging Chamber.

Seconds later I was blinking in the bright sunlight which streamed in through the open door of the freight car I found myself in. Scenery rolled by as the train chugged on to its destination, wherever that was. I desperately tried to force my eyes to get accustomed to the shadows inside.

"Al?"

"Over here, Sam."

I came closer, finally able to make him out. He was dressed in shabby clothes. The whole picture told me the man he'd replaced wasn't up on his luck.

"Hell of a sunset, huh?" he commented, preoccupied with gazing out the door.

"Are you okay?" Something about the tone of his voice was off. I went down on my knees in front of him. He smiled at me and the note he'd left popped into my head. "Al, I love you!" I looked away, cursing myself for turning into a blubbering fool at such an inopportune time.

"Looks like it should be _me_ asking that question." Al scrutinized me. "What's going on?"

I sat down cross-legged. "I'm okay. I guess...I guess I just missed you."

"Me too, babe. So, aren't you going to tell me where I am? Who I am? I mean, what kind of a hologram are you?!" he teased.

"I'm an image created by the sub-atomic agitation of carbonized quarks, tuned to the--"

"Oh, the wise-ass kind," he interrupted. "You just remembered that yourself, no doubt."

I consulted the handlink. "Ziggy says it's April 1, 1949."

"Not another April Fool's Day," Al lamented.

"In six hours it'll be April second," I supplied helpfully.

"Where am I?"

I looked at the link, then up at Al. "On a train?" Al shot me a warning glare, which I passed on to Ziggy by way of a quick shot to the handlink. "Halfway between Atlanta and New Orleans. Your name is Merle Gilray, a drifter. That's all we know right now."

All was quiet and under control for the time being. This was the part where Al always left until he had more information for me, but it was as hard to leave as it always had been to watch him go. Then again, of late he'd been spending more time with me than was really necessary for the leap.

"Why don't you get some rest, you look like hell," Al ordered sternly.

"I just took a nap," I hedged. He looked at me, silently. "Yes, boss. I'll remember this, for when I'm leaping again," I promised.

"When _you're_ leaping again?" Al sat up, ready for a debate.

"Uh, well, yeah, I mean...if I can't pull a retrieval." I hadn't realized I'd made the decision, but I knew I would see Al home, one way or the other. "Besides, I don't like being a hologram." I left without giving him time for a reply.

XXX

Back at the Project, I carefully avoided Beeks probing eyes and got everyone going on running scenarios with Ziggy. Then I shut myself in the office again, to do some serious brainstorming. When I had the time, I wanted to use it to get my mind working on retrieval. At this point, I was desperate enough to try anything to get Al home. With luck, we'd be together, really together, soon.

I went over the last several leaps, looking for the key. It was there I'd become convinced I was coming home soon. Well, I guess I was right, though not the way I'd imagined it.

I decided to run on the premise that there was no coincidence involved in my journey. Mindful of the similarities between Wicca and quantum physics, I poured over all the information I could get my hands on. There was a lot, Al hadn't been kidding about Ziggy's new hobby. That alone convinced me to invest time into the research. Not that it would be a metaphysical answer, but it could be so closely related, it might clue me into what went wrong scientifically.

XXX

When I checked in on Al a few hours later, the boxcar had added several other hobos. The sound of snores and train wheels was somehow soothing, as was the only light, the glow from Al's cigar.

"Oh no, the mad scientist is back!" he quipped.

"This is great," I enthused, doing my part to keep him in good spirits and feeling very much the hologram. "Real slice of American..."

"Shut up," Al warned mildly, playing his role. "I won't fall for those tricks, I invented them. I don't want to hear anything out of you except how to complete the leap. And that you love me," he added in an afterthought, removing the sting from his harsh words.

It was only fair I give him a choice. "Do you want to finish the leap? I'm working on retrieval, but if you wanted I could--"

"Sam," he stopped me with one quiet word. "That's another thing we have to talk about, the remark you made before. This could be a golden opportunity for me to do the leaping, while you work on retrieval. You could have all the time you need to come up with something."

"No!" I blurted out, without thinking about my answer.

"Sam, be reasonable."

I wasn't going to discuss it. I opted for a stern stand. "If you think I'm gonna let you stay, you're sadly mistaken buster. Soon as we do what you're here to do, you're history. Till then..." I started singing _King of the Road._

"Why can't you be a nice normal hologram, like me?" Al shook his head, burying it in his hands. "What am I saying?" He looked at me. "How close do you think you are to retrieval?"

"It's like there's something I should know, but don't, and once I figure it out, I'll have solved the mystery."

"Oh, that's a relief, I didn't realize you were so close," he said sarcastically. "And if you haven't done it by the time I'm ready to leap, you intend to step into that damned Accelerator again and replace me."

"That's right. It's _my_ project. Besides, you make a lousy leaper," I said, to try and keep the banter light.

"You weren't so great when you first started either, pal," he pointed out.

"Well, I have it down to an art, now."

"Art my ass."

I could tell he was building up to a tangent. "I'm not going to discuss it now." I put my foot down. "Do you want to know why you're here, or not?"

"Do you really know?"

"To keep another hobo from being killed in two days. His name is Daniel Birch. I wonder if he's already on this train?" I looked around.

"I don't think I've run into him yet. How's he die?"

"Don't know." I peered closely at the link. "No one ever found out. He was found in a swamp in Louisiana, but no cause of death could be found. He just...stopped living."

"Are you trying to spook me on purpose?"

"Well, it _is_ 1949, they weren't as medically advanced. It could have been something they couldn't detect in those days."

"What else does Ziggy have to say?" Al asked.

"That's it, I'm afraid. I'll go back and prod him some."

"Use a king-size dildo," Al suggested.

I pointed the link at him. "You watch your mouth--and your ass."

"I can take care of my ass very well, thank you," he informed me.

"So can I, baby."

"Amen..." Al winked at me.

I popped out, then right back in, pleased when he jumped in surprise. "See you later!"

"What'd I _really_ do to deserve this?" Al asked the ceiling.

"Love you." I blew him a kiss, and went through the doorway.

XXX

While I was gone, Ziggy, Al, the whole project, had decided that it was God leaping me around, to explain something they had no explanation for. If I was going to solve the retrieval problem, I'd have to do just that, explain it. Because if it really was God, then I was wasting my time trying to fix it.

One thing was becoming clear. God wasn't some entity sitting on a throne somewhere, looking down and pointing: Okay, let's see...this person needs help over here, so I'll send Beckett there now, pulling my strings like I was a puppet. I began to reject that all-too human concept of God. That God made us in _His_ image, was a cop out. Since we couldn't conceive of something so different from ourselves, it was really a case of creating God in _our_ image.

Perhaps God, or Goddess--as Ziggy believed--was intrinsic in all life everywhere, not a being in our tangible and flawed sense of the word. But if God really wasn't leaping me around, what was? When I figured out the answer to that, I'd know how to stop the process I'd started and come home for good.

I sat back, rubbing at my eyes. I was about to get up for another cup of coffee when there was a knock at the door. Only a few privileged people used that casual method of announcing themselves. I let my visitor in.

"Hi, Tina." I smiled warmly. It crossed my mind I probably should be awkward around her now, or at least feel a twinge of jealousy, but I'd always been comfortable with her. She was a good friend of mine.

"Okay, mister." Tina stood in front of the desk, hands on hips. "When have you eaten last?"

"I...well..." During the last leap, but I wasn't about to tell her that. "I've got a lot of work to do--"

"Around here, anybody who refuses to eat gets fed intravenously."

I sensed she had a lot of practice in being a bully. "I'll grab a sandwich..."

"You'll take a proper break. Al would never forgive me if I didn't take the best care of you. Besides, what good will you be doing for him if you run yourself into the ground?"

Now I was staring to feel guilty. "I guess you've had to use those words a lot."

"Well, Al does call me B.R."

"B.R.?"

"Broken record," she explained.

"Tina, I--" Inspiration struck, in the form of a blast from the past. "I have an idea. Let's go down to that Mexican place and get a big bowl of their Nachos with chili."

She smiled slightly. "Sancho's it is."

XXX

The restaurant had opened shortly after we started work on the project, which we'd decided was Fate. The real name of the place was supposed to be Pancho's, but the sign painter got slightly drunk before going to work, and... At least that was the official story. I used to tease Al, accusing him of paying the painter off. I still had my suspicions. After all, it was a huge coincidence that the name of the restaurant would be a character from “Man of La Mancha,” our favorite play and unofficial theme of PQL.

We all spent a lot of time there, in various combinations. Except Donna; if memory served, she never cared for Mexican food. Sometimes the timelines were so similar, it was hard to keep them separated. I wanted to, desperately, but had a feeling it was a losing battle. Even if every single memory came back to stay, the variations were always going to make me appear swiss-cheesed to those around me.

The food was as good as I'd remembered, and they still had the best Margaritas this side of Mexico. The decor had changed slightly, but it still brought back more wonderful memories.

"How does it feel to be home?" Tina asked me quietly.

"It would feel more like home if Al was here," I admitted.

"I know."

I didn't know what Al was planning to do about their relationship, we hadn't discussed it...but I couldn't lie completely, not to Tina. I preferred to ease into the news gradually.

There was an awkward silence, very alien to the easy rapport we once shared. It made me sad. I hoped neither of us would end up losing her friendship.

I cleared my throat. "Hey, look at us, haven't seen each other in so long, you'd think we'd be babbling away."

"Maybe it's because the things we want to say to each other, we're afraid to say."

"What do you mean?" I asked, though I felt the fear she spoke of.

"Al wants you to let him keep leaping." It wasn't a question.

"Yes, but--"

"But you stubbornly insist you can't let him."

I nodded.

"Maybe you should reconsider, Sam." At my confused expression, Tina continued. "I think that for the first time in four and a half years, Al is getting a real vacation. He doesn't have to worry about you."

"But the leaps can be dangerous," I insisted.

"Do you think he cares? I don't have to tell you the kind of life Al's had. He's been through the fire, there isn't much that can hurt him anymore. In fact, there's only one way to get to him now."

_Me._ But I still couldn't say it out loud, even though it was plainly what she meant. Thinking about what Ziggy had once told me of the affair between Tina and Gooshie, things started to make sense. Maybe she thought Al didn't care. "I wouldn't say that," I tried. "It doesn't mean other people can't still hurt him."

"You know about Gooshie and me?" she asked bluntly.

I nodded reluctantly.

"Hurt his male pride, probably. Hurt his wounded heart... Let me tell you a story. The first year you were leaping, when Al was still living at my apartment, I talked with Verbena about what I should expect and how to deal with what he was going through. She told me how a person in his situation might react. Be angry and resentful. Feel like he didn't have a life anymore, but guilty over that and feeling trapped in a situation he couldn't get out of. Well, I don't have to tell you, Al didn't react a thing like that. He made you his life, lived in the Imaging Chamber, and never once regretted it. In the beginning, I was the one who didn't deal well with it. But I came to realize and understand...he wouldn't have it any other way. Nothing matters to him more than you. _Nothing_."

Could she have made it any plainer without spelling it out? Still, I had to be surer. "How long have you known?"

"That he's in love with you?" Tina asked gently. "A long time, Sam. It's not easy to keep something like that from the woman who shares his bed. How long have _you_ known?"

"...Not long."

"I was pretty scared for him," Tina admitted. "I wondered when or if you'd finally figure it out, what would happen after you came home...or if you didn't. And I feared the day he himself would realize how deep his feelings are. Which is why I made up my mind, I was going to tell you myself if you didn't know. I prayed he wouldn't end up getting hurt. That man's had more pain than anyone deserves."

I knew what she was not-so-subtly asking. Telling her I knew didn't say how I felt about that knowledge, or what I intended to do about it. "He's _my_ life too, Tina."

"I know that, now." She covered my hand with her own. "I love you both and I'm here if you need me, until you don't need me anymore."

"Then Gooshie gets you full time?"

Tina nodded. "How'd you know about us?"

"Ziggy decided I should have that information."

"That computer is sneakier than anyone realizes. Nothing gets past him, either. You decided not to tell Al about us?"

I nodded. "I guess we'll let things take their natural course."

"You don't know how relieved I am that things turned out this way,” Tina admitted.

"I don't think you should say anything to Al about our talk yet, either," I told her.

"Of course not," she agreed. "If things go back to the way they were, he's going to need me. If he knew, he'd think I was showing him pity, he'd never accept it."

"He may opt to tell you himself," I conceded. "In fact, it wouldn't surprise me if he did the 'honorable' thing, and let you go."

"Then I'll have to think of something sneaky, myself." Tina paused, taking a deep breath. "Sam, I don't want to pry, but I'd like to know exactly how things are, so I'll know what I'm dealing with when he gets back."

"We're lovers." It wasn't as hard as I'd thought. In fact, it came out with a proud smile.

Tina smiled in a way that made me blush. "Oh, I'd say you're a little more than that. Try, a married couple. Congratulations." She leaned over to kiss me.

"We're both lucky to have you for a friend," I told her sincerely.

"We've all been a team for a long time, haven't we? We're more like family."

I squeezed the hand which lay in mine. "I'll consider letting Al be the leaper for awhile."

"Thanks--for his sake."

**end part one**


	2. Chapter 2

AL:

This was the life! Merle was one lucky guy, as far as I was concerned. I hadn't been outside New Mexico, save for brief trips to Vegas or D.C. since forever. Merle got to travel, meet new people and experience the richness of life, yet without a care in the world. He had no responsibilities beyond scrounging up meals when he was hungry. No work or bothers, unless he wanted them. I envied him his simple life.

It's a shame the future had all but done away with the classic hobo world. It was a noble life, very unlike that of the vagrants begging for change in our big cities. These men chose to live a rambler's dream. It was easy to lose myself in the romance of the situation, as all the songs they were immortalized in played in my head. Yes, I wouldn't mind a few months of train-hopping. I should be so lucky.

" _...Through cupped hands around the tin can, I pretend to hold you to my breast and find, that you're waving from the back roads, by the rivers of my memory, ever smiling, ever gentle on my mind..._ " I sang softly, thinking of my Sam.

There was a grumble from one of my fellow passengers. I ignored it, feeling too good to bother. It got more insistent. "Shut up, will ya? People are tryin' to sleep!"

"Who's people?" I asked amiably.

"Name's Danny. What's it to ya?" came the reply.

"Danny Birch?" I asked, astonished. Could it be that easy?

"Do I know you?" he asked, sitting up.

"I don't think we ever met," I said as truthfully as I could. "But I've heard a lot about you."

"You did?" I had his curiosity. He came over to get a better look at me.

"Sure!" I exclaimed. "You're a legend around the train yards!"

"I am?"

"I'd like to shake your hand, man!" I grabbed it in an enthusiastic greeting. "I'm Merle Gilray, and I'm very pleased to meet you."

I had him.

We walked for awhile, and I ended up teaching him the words to _Gentle On My Mind_. We sang it together, to the chagrin of our sleeping comrades.

"Will you keep it down!" was the predictable protest.

"Shut up!" we both answered and kept right on singing.

**SAM** :

I found out that Al had moved himself into some extra rooms at the Project, in order to be closer to me. On call twenty-four hours a day...I didn't know how he'd done it all those years. Understanding what a person is going through and having first hand experience with it were two different things.

Al was an incredible man. How I'd ended up being the focus of all his love, I'd never know. I now knew what he meant when he said I made all the pain worthwhile. He was that to me, and more.

Staying at Al's was far preferable to staying at 'Donna's', even without her there. It would be a long time, if ever, before I could think of that house as home.

True, the apartment was on the gloomy side, mostly due to the lack of windows. But Al's presence lived there, counteracting the gloom, turning it into a greenhouse full of light and growing life. I soaked up the atmosphere like a sponge, feeling closer to him.

I poked around the apartment, snooping happily. I spent some time going through a photo album, refreshing my memory. Feeling like a love-sick puppy, I stuck a little mushy note into the album before putting it away.

There was so much I had to do, so much I wanted to do, and I felt the pressure of time baring down on me. I reacted with a strange combination of savoring while hurrying.

I grabbed a quick shower and took my research to bed with me. I might still be alone, but I was sleeping on sheets that smelled of Al for a change, instead of a stranger. Content with that, I finally slept. Deeply, but quickly...

**AL** :

By mid-morning, Danny and I were pals. The train had arrived at its destination in New Orleans. We had breakfast with the others, a cast iron pot over a campfire. It was some sort of stew and I didn't want to know what was in it, but it was delicious. I reveled in being a part of the old ways, soaked up the old stories.

Danny told me he had a line on a job that paid well, and if I was interested, he might need a hand with it. I was anxious to get into the French Quarter myself, so I agreed to meet him later, after he'd made his arrangements.

New Orleans. The smells of Creole and Cajun cooking in the air, sound of Jazz being played in the streets. A 1949 Orleans, yet. I hadn't had the pleasure myself until the sixties. I wandered the streets in a blissful daze. It wasn't much different from how I remembered, which is one of the things I loved most about this city. Restoration here didn't mean modernization.

_Gumbo!_

I needed to get some money; for once, I didn't have to be a drooling hologram, and I wasn't going to let a little thing like no dough stop me from my Gumbo.

Soon I came across an attractive woman, sweeping the front of one of the stores. With a little luck, pay-dirt.

"Now, a girl as pretty as you shouldn't be getting your dress all dusty by doing that sweeping..." I put on my most dazzling smile, hoping the Calavicci charm could penetrate an aura.

She smiled, obviously pleased with my compliment. "What would you suggest?"

"Well, I could use some work. You could pay me anything, whatever you can afford. I'll have that floor spotless."

"Deal."

She was so impressed with the job I did that she told me of another store which needed some painting done. By lunchtime, I had myself a nice little piece of change.

**SAM** :

The time was going by so quickly, it was making my head swim. Thankfully, Ziggy said nothing was happening with the leap, so I was able to devote all my attention to physics. Theresa's reports held some promise, so I called her to my office for a meeting.

She showed up with lunch for us, chicken salads and bottles of New York Seltzer.

"Did Tina or Beeks put you up to this?" I asked, eyeing the food.

" _I_ put me up to this. It's your business if you want to starve yourself, but I'm hungry. And my Mom always said it's impolite to eat in front of someone."

"Good point. I'm glad to see you're just as much of an imp as you were the last time I saw you." She sputtered indignantly and we laughed together. "How is your Mom?"

"Everyone's great. She's married again and happy. Susan's got a family of her own, and Kevin is a stand up comic."

"Great! I'd like to be able to catch his act someday soon. Is he married?" I asked, taking a sip of soda.

"Yes, to a great guy named Tim."

The next thing I knew, seltzer was all over the papers on my desk and Theresa was pounding me on the back as I coughed. Was it a conspiracy?

"Are you okay?" she asked, concerned. At my nod, she continued. "I didn't mean to choke you, sorry. It does catch some people by surprise."

"I'm happy for all of them, really," I assured her, although I wasn't convinced that she didn't know what was going on between Al and myself. For all I knew, Al had told her. They'd become very close, and she'd be the one person he could talk to about things. With me, she discreetly kept silent. We still had to re-acquaint ourselves.

"I'd like to spend some time getting to know you again, Theresa, but unfortunately..."

"We have important work to do and not much time," she finished for me. "Me, too. I want to get you both back home, together. That's why I'm here."

There was something about the way she said _together_...I shrugged off my speculations for the time being. I had more urgent things to do.

"Tell me about your theory on the winds of time," I asked.

"Well, it came to my attention that the force directing you might be compared to the wind, pushing you in one direction or another. Perhaps coming in from different angles. So, if we could somehow affect the direction it pushed you, we might he able to direct you home."

"You're talking about using the radium energy that originally sent me through time to push me back." She nodded. "That would entail sending the energy out in a curve, and we'd have to calculate the dimensions exactly. It'll be tough to pinpoint the exact formula."

"True, but the good thing about it is, if we fail, the worst that happens is you end up somewhere else."

"And each time you tried it, it would narrow down the calculations, until you pinpointed it exactly."

"There's only one glitch," Theresa told me.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Money. As in, all that experimentation is going to take a lot of power. Al was working on trying to get us additional funding, but he wasn't having much luck yet."

"Hey, if we had all the money we needed, I would have been home years ago. Keep working on it, and get Ziggy to came up with the calculations. At least we can try, once." She laughed abruptly. "What?" I asked.

"Nothing. It's just a joke Al was running around telling. He said if we can't get the money any other way, he's going to put us all out on the Alamogordo strip to work for it."

"The _what?_ " I asked, laughing. "Well, he'd make a great pimp, that's for sure."

"Let's hope he was joking." On that cryptic note, she left me to get to work with Ziggy. It was the best theory yet, and I prayed something would come of it. I was almost to the point of trying a Witch spell for retrieval.

In fact, I just might.

XXX

When I popped in to check on Al, he was sitting at a roof-top restaurant, eating lunch. I made myself comfortable, sitting cross-legged in the air next to the railing, waiting for him to notice me.

The spoon clattered from his hand onto the table. "Sam! If you make me spill a drop of this, you'll wish you could stay a hologram forever!" he vowed.

"What is it?"

" _Gumbo_." The word was a caress. "I haven't had an authentic bowl of Gumbo in years!"

Al was obviously enjoying himself. In fact, he was practically having orgasms over a bowl of soup. "You found a way to get some money," I guessed.

"Yeah, I persuaded a lady shopkeeper to let me help her clean up her store. She was so impressed with my job--"

"I'll bet she was!" I couldn't help cutting in.

He ignored me. "--that she told a friend, who had me do some painting for her. Paid pretty good."

"Yeah and what else did you do besides clean and paint?" I teased.

"Sam! You have a suspicious mind! Besides, look at me," he gestured. "Who'd want to do the bango tango with this?"

"I would," I smiled at him.

"You're prejudiced," he accused. "Did you find out anything else about the leap?"

"Oh yeah!" I exclaimed. "Did you know that Merle's name is actually Merlin? As in the magician?"

Al looked at me with a mystified expression on his face. "So?"

"Well, I think it's fitting. After all, you can certainly conjure me _up_ with magic words." He almost choked on his soup. At least I wasn't the only victim today. "Not to mention--"

"My magic wand..." Al beat me to the punch with a sly smile. "I guess it's time I confessed about that love spell Ziggy and I cooked up for you. His being a Wiccan sure comes in handy."

"That's impossible."

"Why?" he asked.

"Because Ziggy wasn't even invented the day I met you." Actually, there might be more truth to my joking than I realized. There was something about him that kept me coming back for more when everyone else had stayed clear.

We smiled into each other's eyes.

"Did you find Danny?" I asked, trying to get back to the work at hand and not get too lost in his eyes.

"Yeah, we hooked up. I'm supposed to meet him back at the train yard for dinner, and he might have a job for us. It sounded suspicious, this job. Maybe it had something to do with how he got killed."

"I'm impressed," I admitted. The link still wasn't showing anything new; I smacked it in frustration. "Looks like you're doing better than Ziggy." I sighed. "I have a feeling he's being temperamental because I haven't spent much time with him." I hadn't even taken the time to put on the wrist-link.

"He's probably also upset became we got through the entire last leap without him."

"No doubt," I agreed.

"Spend some quality time with him," Al suggested.

"What's Danny like, anyway?" I asked abruptly.

"Grumpy and stubborn." Al returned to his Gumbo.

"Is he young, good looking?"

Al almost choked on his food in a fit of laughter. "No, that's all he has in common with you."

"Very funny."

"Don't you have work to do?" he asked pointedly.

"Are you trying to get rid of me, Al?"

"Sam, I love you madly, but no one comes between me and my Gumbo. Now scram, cutie-pie. I'll see you after the meeting later, okay?"

"Okay," I agreed. "I'll stroke Ziggy and maybe I can get some real information out of him for you."

"Hey--" he stopped me. "Everything's okay, isn't it? I feel like I've been ignoring what's going on on your side."

"We're in each others moccasins right now. But don't worry, except for being overworked, I'm fine."

"Moccasins? I'd rather be in your pants, but okay. See you later."

XXX

On the way back to our office after visiting Al, I ran into Beeks. It was inevitable.

"You're going to have to talk to me sooner or later, Sam. Think of it like the dentist, you can't avoid it, so you may as well get it over with."

Verbena had a point. And I'd already met with the rest of the team to discuss their reports. Hers was the last. So I followed her into her office, sat down on the couch obediently and put my feet up. I sighed.

"Don't fall asleep on me," she warned.

"I'm at your disposal."

"I know." She smiled a smile I didn't trust. "How are you feeling?"

"Wonderful."

"Sarcasm? Listen Sam, there's a lot we need to talk about, that you have to deal with right now. Don't try to pretend everything is all right, it'll only backfire on you in the end."

"I know I have a lot of stress, it's to be expected. But you can't tell me anything that I haven't already been telling myself."

"Good point, Sam. But talking to me could bring out something that you aren't aware of to think about."

"Which only adds one more thing to an already overloaded situation."

"What if it's something important?" she asked.

"What if it isn't?" I countered. "I guess it's a risk I'll have to take. Now, can we get on with your report?"

"Okay," Beeks agreed, too quickly. "I've been dying to ask you what you think of the fact that Chrissy and Allister saw each other as themselves, since it's in direct opposition with your earlier theory. My opinion is that it was because of their exceptionally strong bond."

"Probably," I muttered. What else could I say?

"And how did you and Al deal with seeing each other as them? As I remember Al had problems with that as a hologram, when you leaped in as Samantha Stormer."

"You're not very subtle, Doctor." But she had trapped me. My choices were either let her think Al had to deal with me as a 'girlfriend' within arm's reach, or... "We saw each other as ourselves," I admitted, leaving her to ponder the type of bond the four of us shared.

One perfectly shaped eyebrow rose. "Fascinating."

"Maybe it had to do with leaping together," I suggested in a flash of inspiration.

"It's a possibility," Beeks conceded. "Oh, I thought you might like to see this..." She pushed over a book which lay open on her desk. "Reverend Leady wrote a book about the young people he married, with a follow-up on their lives. It's where Ziggy got the information on how the Conways' life turned out, so I figured you'd like to read it."

I took the book. It was opened to a picture of Chrissy and Allister -- more accurately _me and Al_ , locked in our wedding kiss. Arms around each other, 'they' looked like we were enjoying ourselves. I hadn't even realized a picture was taken at the time, too involved in what we were doing to notice more than Al's lips and arms.

Beeks was watching me closely. I didn't know what to say, anything was going to open up a can of worms. "Okay. So maybe it wasn't because we leaped together," I told her cryptically.

"I'm not trying to pry into your personal life, or to trick you."

"Well, that last part's not exactly true," I pointed out.

"I'm just trying to help you."

"I don't need any help," I insisted.

"That's what I'm trying to decide for myself."

I sighed, too tired to continue the pretense. "Okay. Yes, Al and I are in love with each other. We knew it before this last leap, we have been handling it ourselves. If I ever feel the need to talk anything out, I'll let you know. As of now, I'm fine."

Verbena dropped all pretenses herself and got down to business. "Well, that's a matter of opinion and it isn't mine. Tina had to fight to get you to eat last night, and if Theresa hadn't brought lunch with her during your meeting, you probably would have forgotten to eat today."

"Yeah, I heard the speech about how running myself into the ground won't help Al, last night, okay?" I got up to leave. "This meeting is over, Dr. Beeks."

"Sam."

I paused at the door, waiting.

"I am happy for you. But it's not an easy road to deal with, under the circumstances."

I threw up my hands. "No shit!" Then I pinned her with a searing look. "I'm going to get us both home, Verbena. And we're going to make a life together. Now, I'd appreciate a little less negativity and a little more positive support." I walked out.

I didn't want to fight with her. She wasn't just doing her job, her concern was genuine. And with her limited knowledge of the status of our relationship, she had reason to worry. I could have explained it to her, but something in me balked at the idea. Besides, there just wasn't time to go over the last several leaps with her.

Most importantly, it was almost time to meet Al and find out what he'd learned about Danny's business deal. I wanted to be armed with some information of my own when I showed up, so I needed to spend some time with Ziggy.

**AL** :

I was full, I was happy. I even had a shower to use later, and some new hand-me-downs for Merle awaited after I got cleaned up. I was whistling a happy tune as I met Danny at the yard.

"Hey, Danny-boy, what's up?"

"Well, I talked with that guy about the job and it's a beaut. Are you interested in making five hundred dollars?"

" _Each_?" I affected a greedy-eyed stare. "I'd do almost anything for that kind of money."

"The guy I met, Doc Bentley, lost something very valuable. All we have to do is recover it and we get a finders fee."

I was sure there was plenty more to it. "What did he lose?"

"Gold coins. A fortune in gold. The guy who was supposed to bring it to him lost it in the swamp. All we have to do is pick it up, and bring it to a cabin where he'll he waiting to pay us."

 _Oh boy._ No wonder this guy bought it, falling for a set-up like that. Whoever said ignorance is bliss? "When do we pick it up?"

"Tonight. I got a boat waiting, and he gave me the location. All we have to do is wait until late tonight."

"Great. I'll meet you here in a couple of hours," I told him. "I got a lady waiting." With a wink, I made my exit.

**SAM** :

I walked through the imaging doorway, fully expecting the train yard to materialize in front me. Instead, I was stunned to find myself in a modest, but nice home. I was further unprepared for the next nasty surprise which awaited. Al was there, on the couch, in an embrace with some woman. I must have gasped aloud, because he pulled away and stared at me, wide-eyed.

"I...guess I interrupted something..." I started to turn away, feeling uncontrollably sick to my stomach.

"No!" Al yelled, jumping up.

"What?" the woman asked.

"I mean, I think I should be going to bed now, at the train yard."

"Are you sure that's where you wanna sleep?" she purred.

"Yeah," I snapped. "Don't let me stop you from your fun."

"Listen, Greta, do you think you could make me some coffee for the road?" Al asked, in an obvious attempt to get her out of the room.

"Of course I can, you dear." With one caress to his cheek, she was gone and we were alone.

"I don't believe you!" I turned on him the minute she left. "You're supposed to be sticking with Daniel--whom I never even see you with--and here you are getting a piece of ass!" The frustration and stress of the last days exploded, pushed over the edge by the scene I walked in on. I couldn't stop myself.

"It isn't like that!" Al defended vehemently.

"Hah! I was buddies with you for years, remember? I heard all your excuses, and the true story behind them!"

"Wait a second, even if it was true, which it isn't, what happened to your talk about not wanting to change me? Was that all bullshit?!"

He'd hit a nerve and I reacted accordingly. "I didn't think you were gonna jump into bed with the first bimbo that came along!"

"She isn't!"

"Oh, you mean there have been more?" I said, words dripping acid. "I don't know why I ever thought marriage vows would mean more to you just because it was to me!"

"Jesus! I thought we were starting over with a clean slate...you don't even wanna _try_ to trust me! You're too busy with your jealous rage to see the truth. Christ, no wonder Donna was so glad to be rid of you!" Al cut off abruptly, his own words sinking in. He drew breath to make amends.

I turned away from him. "Fine, if that's how you feel." The tears blurred the link's multi-colors, as I hit the button which would take me away from him.

I stormed through the Control Room, ignoring the stares which followed me. Outside the door I almost ran into Weitzman, literally. I tried to walk away from him, but he grabbed me. He was the last person I was in the mood to deal with.

"Dr. Beckett, you're home?!"

"Brilliant deduction, Bernie." I tried to shrug off his hands, determined he, of all people, wouldn't see my tears.

"Why wasn't I informed of this development? Where is Admiral Calavicci?"

I started away. He grabbed at me, so I swung, fist connecting with his jaw satisfactorily.

I made my escape from the Project walls that were closing in.

XXX

I was several miles away from the Project, speeding along in Al's prototype baby, when I realized I had nowhere to go. That thought made me feel worse. What kind of a life was a scientific project? It was staggering to count up how many years I'd been so wrapped up in it that nothing else existed. Things were different when I was leaping, at least I had a good reason not to have a life of my own.

I had a family, somewhere...but the thought of contacting them after five years of being missing was terrifying. I didn't even know what they'd been told about where I was. And the truth was, I'd left them behind much further back than that, on my way to greater things. Hah! And what was I left with after all was said and done? Nothing. If I lost Al, I'd have nothing.

I stopped at the first bar I came to, planning on drowning myself in as many bourbons as it took to deaden the pain. Bourbon, in honor of New Orleans. Maybe I'd earn myself one of those shirts they sell which say, Help, I've fallen and I can't get up!

For the first in many years, time ceased to have any meaning for me, and I embraced that. So I don't know how much of it had gone by when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned to see Tina standing there.

"What do you want?" I asked, going back to my glass.

"To take you home," she answered.

"I can't go home!" I cried. "Al...I don't have a home..."

"Of course you do. Remember what I said the other night, about us being a family?"

"No..." I shook my head in denial.

"Sam Beckett!" she began sternly. "If you feel that Al is your life to the exclusion of anything else, it's because you choose it to be that way. We haven't turned our backs on you. Furthermore, it was _you_ who jumped down Al's throat without first talking to him about it."

"What was there to talk about?"

"I know that things aren't always what they seem," she cut in. "You're upset right now and not thinking clearly. Booze won't help, either."

Something about our conversation wasn't right. I sorted through the fog in my brain, trying to figure out what it was. Then I realized we were talking about the details of a fight Al and I had in 1949. "How'd ya know what our fight was about?" I asked, mystified.

"Well, uh," Tina began, ill at ease. "You know, if you don't want your side of the conversation monitored, you have to remember to--"

"Oh God..." I moaned into my drink, the picture all too clear. "Now everybody knows."

"It's not that bad," she tried to soothe. "They already did, anyway."

"Oh God..." I moaned louder.

"You know Ziggy, he knows all the gossip first. And with Theresa and Al as close as they are, not to mention that she has a gay brother. Beeks--"

I stopped her from going on with a raised hand. "I'm a failure at relationships," I wailed.

"No, you're not. You just get carried away. You need to ease up and not try so hard. C'mon," she took the glass out of my hand. "We're going home and that's final."

"No..." I managed to continue my protest and put my foot down.

"Okay, we'll go to my place then."

When I tried to stand, I realized I was in worse shape than I thought. Tina managed to help me into the car, and we were at her apartment soon after. She steered me into the bedroom and I fell onto bed, off balance.

"You didn't close your door--" I took refuge in details.

"I'll get it in a minute." She began pulling off my shoes.

"Al's right," I blurted out. "I say I wouldn't try to change 'im. I went back on my word, worse, I'd do the same as him. It's just...I love him and it hurts!" I cried, losing control on my emotions.

The next thing I knew, Tina had climbed onto the bed beside me and wrapped her arms around me, murmuring words of comfort.

"I'm sorry, Tina! Here I stole your boyfriend and you're comforting _me_!"

She laughed, brushing the hair out of my eyes gently. "You didn't steal him, I never had him. No one really did, not since Beth, and I'm not even sure about her. Sometimes I think he never got over his mother deserting them, and that affected his relationships with women. Beth certainly didn't help it along, anyway. I guess it's true what they say about a man marrying someone like his mother. Maybe he picked her on subconscious purpose. He likes, respects, loves us in his own way, but...there's something I've never been able put my finger on. Lack of deep commitment, maybe. He's always had that, with you."

"Oh great," I concluded. "I got him by default!"

"That's not true! Al Calavicci could have any woman, or man, he wanted."

"That makes me feel a lot better..." I whined.

"Oh, Sam! I just meant that he _chose_ you. These days he doesn't give his heart away casually. You earned his commitment."

"Then he ought to be committed," I observed.

"I never said either of you was sane," Tina laughed, then turned serious again. "Sam, you're good for him. I've never seen him as content as he is with his life, and that's with the chaos of you leaping around in time. I want him to have a shot at happiness."

Even loaded, I could hear the love in her voice and knew she was sincere. The depth of her own commitment to a man who wasn't hers, and her friendship to us both, made me ashamed of my own selfish behavior.

"You're terrific," I told Tina, giving her a hug. "I love you." I gave her a kiss.

We broke apart at the abrupt sound of someone clearing their throat, and turned to see Verbena standing in the doorway.

"This isn't what it looks like!" I assured her.

Tina pinned me with a knowing gaze. "Is this something like what you walked in on with Al?"

I shook my head sadly, wondering if my shame could get any deeper. "This is much worse," I admitted. I'd really flown off the handle.

"Sam," Beeks started, "there's something going on with the leap."

"Oh, no..." I jumped up unsteadily. "Serious trouble?"

"Ziggy thinks it could develop that way."

I struggled with my shoes, finally realizing I needed help. A combination of fear and booze made my movements clumsy and uncoordinated. I looked at Tina sheepishly. "I could use a hand..."

"What are friends for?" she replied warmly, taking my arm.

"I'm glad to see you're handling things, Sam," Verbena commented, helping to support me on the way out. "I'd hate to see what would happen if you weren't."

"You don't have to rub it in."

"Stubborn scientists!" she spat, exasperated. "C'mon, let's get you back to the Project and fixed up with some strong coffee."

XXX

I tossed my cookies before going into the Imaging Chamber, which helped clear my head some. On top of everything else, knowing I wasn't there for Al when I should have been was turning my stomach into knots.

Tina ran to get some aspirin and Pepto-Bismol for me, while Theresa wiped my face with a cool, wet cloth.

"Gooshie, what's going on?" I couldn't control the quiver in my voice.

He put a hand on my shoulder to steady me. "We don't know."

"Ziggy!" I yelled. "What's going on with Al?!"

UNKNOWN AT THIS TIME.

When it was obvious he wasn't going to elaborate, I let out a string of curses, preparing for a fight.

"Dr. Beckett," Gooshie explained, "A few minutes ago, Ziggy told us that history had been changed. In this current timeline, Daniel and Merle are both found dead in the swamp."

"When?" I whispered.

"Within fifteen minutes is the closest he could predict it." He patted me on the back.

As a doctor I was well aware that, contrary to popular belief, coffee does nothing to sober a person up. However, old habits die hard. I grabbed the whole coffee pot and staggered into the Imaging Chamber.

XXX

I entered the hologram into almost total darkness. Around me, the sounds of the swamp echoed eerily. I couldn't see anyone.

"Al?" I called out. Getting no answer, my sense of panic rose. "Al? Answer me!" I fought down a bout of nausea. "Gooshie, you were supposed to center me on Al!" His answer: to the best of their knowledge, I was. "Al!"

As my eyes became adjusted to the dark, I was finally able to make out the shape of a rowboat in the distance. I had Gooshie center me on it, relief making my knees weak. Al and Daniel were inside.

"Are you all right?" I all but yelled. Al nodded. "Why didn't you answer me before?" I held the coffee pot in both hands to keep it from spilling, well aware of the sight I made. I didn't know what he thought, I couldn't read his eyes. That scared me.

He pointed to Dan. I understood then, he didn't want to start talking to 'himself'.

"I'm sorry!" I blurted hastily. "You're right. I make a lousy hologram. I can't do it..." my voice broke. I was supposed to be his support and I'd failed him yet again.

Al gave me a look full of patience, pride, belief and love. "Yes, you can," he said in a low voice. Dan was singing Gentle On My Mind, so he didn't notice. "Calm down and relax. Deep breaths."

I tried to follow his advice, feeling like swamp scum. Tina was wrong. I was luckier than I deserved.

"I am calm," Dan answered Al. "Or are you talkin' to yourself?"

"Both," Al answered. "You sure you wanna go through with this?"

"Chickening out now? Doc Bentley is paying us good to recover the gold he lost in the swamp."

Al gave me a meaningful look. I fumbled, almost dropping the pot, but managed to push the buttons on the link furiously, cursing myself for not bothering with the wristlink after all.

"That's how he dies!" I told Al. "The Doc probably killed him after getting what he wanted. As a doctor, he'd know how to go about it undetected. Ziggy says he'll probably kill Dan after he delivers."

"No shit, Sherlock," Al snorted.

"And you." I looked at him. "You have a plan, right?" He had to have. After all, he seemed to have everything else under control.

He shrugged. "Sort of."

"Sort of chickening out?" Dan asked.

"What if the Doc double-crosses us?" Al replied.

"He won't," Dan insisted. "He knows I got the dirt on him and that I'll turn him in."

"Not if you're dead," Al muttered, but Dan didn't hear him.

"Oh boy, Al--" I began frantically. "We don't know exactly where or when he gets killed, so just be careful!"

I could tell he was frustrated with not being able to talk to me. I babbled on as the boat moved slowly through the water, mostly apologizing for not trusting him, for not being there when he needed me, for being a useless hologram. I felt like shit and couldn't stop berating myself. I even apologized for babbling.

" _Stop it_!" he finally almost screamed. That's when I got the feeling I'd gone too far.

"You're right, we're there. Relax." Daniel stopped the boat and got out, fishing around in the murky depths of the swamp.

"Pretty spooky," I tried commenting, shivering slightly. Even though I was a hologram, I could almost feel the dampness.

It didn't take Dan long to find the sack full of coins. I watched in amazement as they brought it onto the boat and started on their way.

Dan stopped the boat again a few minutes later, at the site of a decrepit cabin. It was dark, quiet. I didn't like it.

"Al, be careful..." I begged, wishing I'd had the presence of mind to have just walked into the Accelerator instead of the Imaging Chamber. But in my condition, I would have been a disaster at handling the leap. I wasn't planning on adding suicide to my list of wrongs against Al.

The two of them got out of the boat, approaching the cabin. It seemed to be deserted.

It all happened so fast, I could barely keep up with the action. They were almost to the door when a man jumped out from behind the shack with a gun. Al pushed Dan to the ground out of the way as I screamed his name.

Al lunged for the man, grabbing him. They struggled. I watched, especially terrified since I couldn't make out much detail in the dark, save a tangle of struggling limbs. In those horrifying minutes I knew what Al lived with during my more tense moments.

From somewhere, Al produced a knife and stabbed the guy with it. I watched, horrified as I realized it barely slowed him down. He grabbed Al around the neck with what appeared to be super-human strength. I yelled to him again.

The next thing I knew, Al had somehow twisted around and deftly slit the man's throat. That, I saw clearly. I turned, throwing up yet again.

"Yech!" Al exclaimed, helping Daniel up. "Are you okay?" he asked, of us both.

"Yeah," Dan told him. "Think they'll be others around?"

"Probably," Al answered. "But we'll be okay laying low here until the cops arrive."

"Cops?" we both said.

"I placed an anonymous call," Al explained. "It might take them awhile to find the place. Why don't you check inside?" he suggested. When Dan disappeared into the cabin, Al came to me. "Are you okay, baby?"

I turned away, ashamed.

"Sam, talk to me."

"What is there to say that I haven't said? I know you don't want me to leap, and I know why, and I almost agreed to it. But with me as a hologram..."

"I wasn't so great either when I first started. Fucked up plenty, drank too much. Besides, we're going through a period of adjustment, it's not easy."

"Why do you love me so much?" I whined. "You tell me I'm the best thing that ever happened to you, yet...I guess with the life you've had..."

" _Sam Beckett!_ You're drunk. And everything seems worse when you're drunk, trust me on that one. You - are - not - a - failure. You're a hero, who's helped a lot of people. As far as being a hologram goes...so you got stiff competition in that department. No one's perfect at everything. I know you can do it." Al paused. "But I'm not going to force you into anything you feel you don't want to do. I can handle it, either way. Your choice."

I nodded, sipping from the coffee pot in my hands, which had somehow miraculously survived the excitement.

"I know what your problem really is," Al continued. "You've been going along for all these years without the one important thing you always had before."

"What's that?" I asked.

"Me to kick your butt for you when you need it."

On impulse I turned around and bent over, offering it to him.

THIS IS THE POLICE! came a voice over a bull horn. I REPEAT, THIS IS THE NEW ORLEANS POLICE DEPARTMENT!

"See? I knew being a sleaze was going to get you in trouble one of these days!" Al quipped. "Love ya, kid."

Suddenly, everything was dissolving into a blue haze...

**AL** :

I walked out of the Imaging Chamber, dazed. Everyone was staring at me, giving me a creepy feeling. As I looked around, I realized that the place was in utter confusion and chaos. Just what kind of a mess had my Sam left for me?

"Oh boy..."

**the end**

*Gentle On My Mind, by John Hartford

12/16/91

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man of La Mancha is of course from the wonderful episode “Catch a Falling Star.” Also Ziggy told Sam about Tina and Gooshie's affair in “The Leap Back,”


	3. Part of Me (poem)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another poem that needs a place to live.

**PART OF ME**

Is that part of me, still in you?

I can't touch you with my fingers

but...

My heart can swell with love for you

until I think I'm going to burst

As I caress you with words, my voice speaks volumes

My eyes touch your soul, meet and twine around it

Our minds are one,

Merged together forever

Our spirits are bonded

in our dreams

I can't hold you in my arms

but...

We're still part of each other

Touching, always


End file.
